In the State of I Don’t Know
“[Redacted], with all these degrees, why aren’t you in the job you want to be in? You’re really talented.”
I found myself looking at my friend, Alex, as we sat on their couch watching an episode of Snowfall. The words that come tumbling out of my mouth seem like more excuses than real reasons. The conversation went like this.
Me: “I have been applying to places...”
A: “You should be an agency. Have you gone on any interviews?”
Me: “Yes, I went on an interview with [generic consulting agency name] but they decided to go with another candidate.”
A: “Have you spoken with [mutual associate]? She’s at...”
Me: “She’s in the [another state]...”
A: “I could have sworn she was here and at XYZ.”
Me: “Hmm, yeah, I believe she’s in the [another state].”
A: “What’s your title again?”
🙄 Oh, the infamous title.
Me: “I am a Senior Creative Coordinator.”
A: “I don’t even know what they do.”
Me: “Exactly. My title makes no sense.”
Though the conversation was a general concern friend check-in, I have come to dread the “why aren’t you further along in your career?” type conversation. I tend to get defensive and start to analyze the conversation quickly. I am in a state of I don’t know. I have been here for a while.
There are points in one’s life where you have to pivot. I realized that since moving back to Atlanta (four years ago), I made several pivot points in rapid succession. I went from knowing that I want to be a Creative Director to saying forget that to go right back to it in some form. In college, I was vocal about not going corporate, PERIOD, to being an infamous eye-rolling title at a corporate in-house creative studio.
According to Jessica Lanyadoo of TheHoodwitch.com, “It’s OK to be imperfect, to not know what comes next, and to have mixed feelings about it. Don’t be so quick to find the answer that you rush past the process.”
For now, in good faith, I am accepting things as they are in the present moment and journeying through the process.
Until next time… *besos* L.A.
Originally written in August 2018
